Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
