ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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