I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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