yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
