What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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