where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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