he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
