A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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