my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
