Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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