is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize