i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
