nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
