I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
