If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have aggressive nipples.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize