I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
