yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
