i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
