an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
