dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
