i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
