oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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