Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
