I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
