I wannas sexs uuuuu
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
