Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
