dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
