he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
