I puked a lego.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
