Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
