areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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