I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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