Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
