I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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