I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
even my farts smell like vagina
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
