Can Purell be used as lube?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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