Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize