Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
