I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize