no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
