The maid of honor just puked.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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