Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
