I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
