YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
