what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
