i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
