I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
