saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
