i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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