I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
