Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
