Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He passed out mid-signature
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
