I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
