I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
