cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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