dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize