The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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