I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
