are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
