Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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