True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All the doctor said was why
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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