If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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