somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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