i barfeds in our rink
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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