no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
