I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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