you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
