i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
