At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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