break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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