how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
