And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
