How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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