Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
