I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize